Mr. Kryptonite

So last night the weekend finally arrived and like all other teens I went out on the town. Thought last night was a different kind of Friday night. I went to see my kryptonite. My kryptonite is a 19 year old gorgeous bad boy with that shaggy blond hair, big blue eyes, and tall muscled body. Now let me remind you I have a serious boyfriend who's currently in Florida. Here is some background about Kryptonite. We met at a party when I was 15 in may of my second semester of freshman year. I had a boyfriend who was currently... well not partying with me. I got completely wasted at this party through my favorite drink, jack and coke. I met some gorgeous guy who apparently was the drug dealer of the party. I decided to dance with him, or to grind on him. Apparently we kissed that night, but all I really remember after dancing with him is lying on the bathroom floor half passed out with this gorgeous guy stroking my hair. After that I began leaving from school early to go over to this gorgeous bad boy's house before picking my boyfriend up from his school and going to out patient rehab with my boyfriend. Yes, I went to out-patient rehab. That is where I met my first serious boyfriend. So anyway, I began blowing off weekends with my boyfriend to spend nights with this bad boy. One afternoon before rehab I lost the ring my boyfriend had given me in my mistress's staircase... doing something I should not have been doing in that staircase. After rehab and the boyfriend I still would go to rooftops with Mr Sexy to smoke weed and kiss. He's my kryptonite because when I see him I go all weak kneed.

So, why did I go see Mr. Kryptonite when I have a boyfriend? Well, we had been texting that day catching up about everything since we hadn't seen each other since I was in 10th grade. My plans started at 10 and I had nothing to do before then, so I decided why not? And then yesterday, his friends had all left the room, we were alone in his graffiti filled mancave with a knife on his couch. He got really close and smiled in that way he does. He reached to put his arm on my waist. he leaned in. And I said "No I cant do this, I have a boyfriend." I have finally done it. I have overcome my never-been-faithful title. I am a faithful girlfriend. I love my boyfriend and I know that because I said no to kryptonite. 

To Smoke or Not To Smoke

Cigarettes: my lovely little death sticks. I started smoking at age 14 when I was caught up in the magical world of Manhattan's private school popularity. I idolized these girls who seemed to only care about drugs, alcohol, making out, and apparently cigarettes. One day I was on my way to my lovely therapist's office (yes I am a true New Yorker; I've had a therapist since I was 7) and I ran into two of the girls I idolized. They were each sporting a marlboro light. I had always promised to myself I would never smoke since cigarettes had caused deaths in my family, but my naive young self just wanted to be popular. I asked to try one. I have been smoking ever since.
Now I am caught in an attempt to quite with a desperate need to smoke. I am a slave to the nicotine rush. I've lost myself in my addiction. I am now struggling to stop this horrendous habit and become a healthier happier person. But the need is so strong. I become consumed by it. Is fulfilling my instant need worth the future lung cancer? No. Definitely not. To all of you smokers out there: I understand, I really do, but please love yourself enough to quit. I was so angry at myself for all my mistakes I forget to care about my health and future. I am on birth control, so the risk of blood clots have increased profusely. I have made a vow to myself to quit. I will see that promise through.

It's Totally Naomi!

I'm 17 years old living with my divorced parents on the upper west side of Manhattan. It has been a year and a half since I lived at home, I've had two years of different treatments and relapses, and three years of stupid decisions. And now I am back to square one. To go back into the past three years right away would be like a tsunami of information. It's way too much for even me to process at one time, so how could I expect you to? I will leave my past up to you to piece together from my posts. So now I sit here after years of change, the same person. I mean yes, I have matured, I have learned from my experiences, and I have grown into an intellectual young woman. But right now I'm still facing those same dilemmas as when I was 14. I chalk it up to being an angsty teenager for three years and counting.

So what are those dilemmas? Well currently at the moment I have decided to procrastinate all my homework until the night it is due. Actually my work is due in 3 hours and I've barely started. Similar to the times when I was 14 staring at my computer screen wishing my work to go away and using any source of the digital matrix to distract myself, I find myself blogging for fun instead of blogging my homework. And at the same time all I want to do is an amazing job on my homework so that when this obnoxious girl in my class (who just loves to talk out her ass) has to comment on my post I can show her how much smarter I am than her. Malicious? Definitely. Unrealistic? Probably. But seriously if this girl doesn't stop talking shit and criticizing my work then Wayne Brady is gonna have to choke a bitch. 

I am also sitting here debating whether or not to be angry with my boyfriend. All you teenage girls out there know what I am talking about. Its the "ugh I'm really just upset that he isn't calling me or texting me every second of the day like Sally's boyfriend obviously is (though to be honest sally probably doesn't even have a boyfriend. I mean have you ever seen them together?). So, should I send him a text telling him that he's a neglecting bastard and I don't know if I can take this anymore, should I wait for him to call then go on a long rant about how lonely I've been and tell him he obviously doesn't care about me , should  I keep it simple and just stop talking to him and when he does talk to me give him one word answers until he asks whats wrong, or do I just remember he loves me and has class and work and quit with the manipulation?" Personally, I go with the "we need to talk" text. He comes calling right away freaking out I'm dumping him. Okay so maybe I'm a little neurotic when it comes to my love life, but seriously who isn't? 

Now, here I sit with 2 and a half hours left to do my homework and I've realized it is seriously time to get some shit done. Talk to you soon!